


raincoats & recipes

by maraudeer



Category: Check Please
Genre: Angst, Chowder takes the role of kirk, Get together fic, M/M, Minor Chris "Chowder" Chow/Caitlin Farmer, Minor Eric Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Pining, This fic is based off Luke and Lorelai's first kiss, also this is a slight au where chowder and farmer don't get together until their third year, gilmore girls - Freeform, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 08:25:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11824842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudeer/pseuds/maraudeer
Summary: In hindsight, Derek shouldn’t have signed up for a creative writing class with his girlfriend of a month. At the very least, he shouldn’t have shared any poems that weren’t strictly about her.Or, the Gilmore Girls inspired fic that only I asked for.





	raincoats & recipes

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, this fic is wild. Please enjoy it.
> 
> As you might have noticed in the tags, this fic is basically canon complaint except for plot purposes in this Chowder and Farmer didn't start dating their freshman year.
> 
> Okay, thanks.

_I’m so in my head / when we’re outta touch_  —Carly Rae Jepsen

 _Everything has gone from me / but the certainty of your goodness._  —Hanif Willis-Abdurraqib

 

In hindsight, Derek shouldn’t have signed up for a creative writing class with his girlfriend of a month. Or, at the very least, he shouldn’t have shared any poems that weren’t strictly about her.

“You’re in love with someone else,” Sarah says. Her pretty face is shaped into a scowl.

“What— I don’t,” Derek says (sometimes, he is clumsy with his words too). “What are you talking about?”

Sarah rolls her eyes and pulls the sheet of notebook paper out from under her textbook (Derek’s printer was broken, so he’d had to handcopy five copies of his poem to share with his writing group).

She clears her throat, “The days and weeks bleed incessantly into one another / My mom on the phone asks me to please shake out of it / As if it is that easy / Here is my story, how disjointed and clumsy it must look to you / Yesterday you said I’ve changed then you shook your head / and said maybe it isn’t me but you / How it’s always you and this spinning, / autumn all year round.”

Sarah looks up at him.

In hindsight, that was a pretty stupid poem.

“That’s about…”

She shakes her head, “It’s not about me, Derek.”

There is hurt in her voice protected so carefully in understanding. She takes his hand.

“I wish it could be,” he tells her.

She smiles sympathetically and squeezes his hand, “I don’t know who she is, but she’d be crazy not to like you back.”

Derek leans forward, kissing her knuckles where her hand is clasped in his, “Thank you.”

“Text me, you know, if things don’t work out with her.” Sarah’s head is tilted up towards his own, hopeful.

He nods his head okay.

 

* * *

 

Will finds out about Nursey’s break up like this:

“Sarah and I broke up,” Nursey says to Bitty and Holster at the breakfast table.

Will drops his spoon into his cereal, letting it clatter.

“Oh honey,” Bitty says, a look of total concern rushing over his still summer tanned face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Nursey shakes his head, “Nah. It’s chill.”

Will rolls his eyes at that, and Chowder nudges his arm, “Your cereal is getting soggy, Dex.”

But the look he gives Will and then Nurse is too knowing, a horrible mix of sympathy and vicarious hope. He feels his cheeks grow red, and he tries to roll his eyes again (he’s unsuccessful and takes another bite of his cereal instead. Then spits it out, Chowder was right).

When he looks back up, Nursey is looking at him. He gives Will a soft smile, then turns back to his food. It is, of course, the exact thing to remind Will that he is perhaps being selfish. Derek just broke up with his girlfriend, the last thing he needs is his d-man pining after him.

But damn, that smile.

 

* * *

 

(Later when they’re alone in the den, sitting a respectable six inches apart, Will asks him the same question Bitty asked in the dining hall.

Quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Nursey swallows. Will watches the movement greedily.

“Nah, man. Like I said, it’s chill.”

It’s dark in the room except for the light glow of the tv playing, and perhaps that is why he feels brave enough to reach over and place a hand, briefly, on Nursey’s knee. “Okay, well, I’m like here if you need to or whatever.”

Nursey closes his eyes, and he looks far away. The room is so quiet somehow, despite Bitty taking a shower upstairs and some of the other boys hanging out on the front porch.

Nursey nods his head, “I know. Thank you.”

Then Will pulls his hand back and tries not to let Nursey see how it shakes.)

 

* * *

 

Will, Nursey, Chowder, Bitty, and Jack are sitting around a study table two weeks later when something weird happens.

For starters, it’s pretty weird in itself that Jack is with them. Usually when he visits, Bitty and him spend most of their time holed up in Bitty’s room. Whether Bitty gets any studying done is something Will is really uninterested in knowing.

“Listen, Dex,” Nursey is saying to him while he’s trying to work through a problem set. “You read this one book, and I’ll like fix the garbage disposal next time it fucks up or something.”

Will rolls his eyes. “I really don’t think anyone wants you fixing the garbage disposal, man.”

Nursey smiles, “Fine, then how bout you just read the book?”

Will looks away from his computer and down at where Nursey’s hands are holding a book out towards him on the table. It reads The Alchemist.

He shakes his head, “Looks boring.”

Nursey scoffs, “Are you, William Poindexter, judging a book by its cover?”

“I would never.”

Nursey is about to retort when Bitty clears his throat. “Nursey, I’m going on a coffee run. Wanna come with?”

Will doesn’t want his conversation with Nursey to stop quite yet and is about to offer to come with instead of Bitty, when Bitty says pointedly to Chowder, “You too.”

Chowder looks at Will but shrugs and leaves with the other two.

So now it is only Will and Jack. Weird.

Will goes back to his problem set. Jack studies his phone for a minute, then looks up.

“Dex?”

“Uh, yeah?”

Jack looks uncomfortable. “So there’s this book Bittle and I read a while ago, and we just kind of thought it would be a good thing for you to, you know, look at.”

Getting weirder. Things were definitely getting weirder. “Um, it’s not The Alchemist is it? I already told Nurse I wasn’t reading it.”

“Oh, no. It’s like a relationship kind of book.”

Good god.

Jack, at least, has the decency to look mildly embarrassed.

“It wasn’t my idea, but Bitty thought it would be better coming from me. You know, one emotionally distant guy to another?”

Good god.

Will’s face is burning.

He sputters, “I’m not even in a relationship right now.”

Jack nods, glancing Bitty-On-Ice Quick over to Nursey’s vacant seat.

“But…”

Will is pretty sure his face is going to explode. He didn’t think he had been so obvious.

“For what it’s worth,” Jack says with Captain certainty, “We think you stand a good chance.”

Will rolls his eyes, but something flickers inside him. “Look, if you want me to read this book just like leave it on my bunk or something.”

Jack smiles, “Great. Bittle is going to be so happy.”

Will smiles, flimsy and wobbly. His chest feels like it is falling out.

(Later, Will does read the book. And then, feeling like maybe, maybe he stands a chance with Derek, he reads another.)

 

* * *

 

It’s a month later, and Derek still hasn’t fixed his printer.

It sits in between his and Dex’s desks on a little platform. He’s fiddling with it when Dex walks in. Derek looks up at him. He looks good (but then when doesn’t he). Flushed (but then when isn’t he) from the rapidly chilling weather outside.

“Hey,” Dex says.

“Sup?” he asks distractedly.

Dex sits down at his desk chair and pulls out his laptop and a notebook. For a moment they work in comfortable silence. Derek on the printer. Dex on his homework. Then Dex clears his throat.

Derek’s eyes snap up to his.

“So I read that book.”

“What book —” he tilts his head. “The Alchemist?”

Dex nods his head.

“Seriously? Bro, that’s like the most unexpected thing to happen all month. What did you think of it?”

Dex nods his head, “I liked it. I thought the symbolism of the sand storm and the journey were, um, well placed and —”

“Dude, you have no idea what the book is about, do you?”

Dex looks relieved, exhaling air. “Not at all.”

Derek lets out a burst of a laugh.

“I mean what the fuck is this guy’s deal? I honestly can’t figure out what the point is.”

Derek giggles.

Good god.

“Why would you want me to read something like that?”

Derek throws his hands up, “In my defense, I didn’t think you’d actually read it.”

“Yeah, well,” he scowls lightheartedly (and only someone like Dex could pull off that oxymoron). “I did.”

“It’s a very spiritual book,” he has to fight to keep a full grin off his face.

“Nurse, I hate to break it to you but it’s just a shit book.”

Derek laughs again, fiddles with the printer’s ink cartridge. Quietly, he says, “Well thank you, anyway, for reading it I mean.”

Dex runs a hand through his hair, embarrassed. It leaves his hair standing up on ends, and Derek wants nothing more than to reach out and mess it up even more.

“Yeah, well, you wanted me to so I did.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “Since when has that ever been enough to convince you to do anything?”

Dex looks at him for a second, then gestures to the printer. “I could take a look at that for you.”

“Really?” Derek ignores the obvious subject change. “That’d be great, man.”

“Move over,” Dex says, getting up and placing a hand on Derek’s shoulder.

And this is weird. Two displays of affection from Dex in just a little over a month is not normal. Usually it is Derek touching him and in the most bro-y ways possible (a clap on the back, a ruffle of his hair). But this? Dex so willingly close? (A hand on Derek’s knee, a squeeze on the shoulder) Even for what Derek likes to call a Very Stable Friendship, this is weird.

It sets Derek on fire.

“Bro, your printer is jammed. You’re such an idiot. I thought there was something actually wrong with it.”

Right.

“Wow, Poindexter, I was going to steal you a slice of pie for your kindness, but after that comment, I don’t think I can.”

“Come on don’t be like that. I read your book.”

“And you hated it.”

“I’ll read another one for you if you go get me pie.”

Derek smiles and takes in Dex’s naive expression. “Deal.”

He goes over to his bookshelf and pull out a book.

“I’ll be right back. You can get started.”

Dex takes the book from him (their fingers brush, and, god, that is one cliché Derek can support). It’s thicker than the last book and dusty. In truth, Derek really only keeps it around for decoration more than anything.

Dex reads the title, “Ulysses?”

“Yep, get started. I’ll be right back with pie.”

(A few minutes later, Derek is walking back into their room with a plate holding two slices of pie and two forks. If Bitty notices the intimacy of the dessert, he’s decent enough to only look half pitying as Derek leaves the kitchen.

Derek knows Dex doesn’t like him like that. He knows.

When he pushes the door back open, Dex throws the book down dramatically onto the bed.

“What the fuck, Nurse? This shit is worse than the last one. It doesn’t even make sense.”

But this was okay too.)

 

* * *

 

They win their roadie. It’s a shutout, leaving Chowder ecstatic and the whole team buzzing on the way back to the hotel. The only consolation—

Derek gets hurt.

It happens in the third period. He takes a check, hard and lands weird on his knee. It’s not enough to take him off the ice, but it is enough for Dex to shoot him a look. If Dex plays a little rougher with the guy that slammed Derek, Derek doesn’t comment on it. At this point, that’s more common with them than not.

Back at the hotel, everyone is celebrating. Ransom, Holster, and Lardo head back to a room to start planning the kegster that they’ll have tomorrow when they get back to the Haus. The others head to various rooms to chill out.

Derek is a little out of it, though. His knee hurts more than he’d like to admit, and all he really wants is bed.

“Hey. Are you heading to Chowder’s room?” Dex asks him as they walk into the lobby. “Bitty and some of the others are going to hang in there.”

It sounds so nice, too. Derek really wants to take his hand, wander down the hall to Chowder’s room, and pursue this waltz they have been dancing these past few weeks. But there are several problems with that line of thought. For one thing, he’s pretty sure if he took Dex’s hand now, Dex would pull away. Fast. And for another, he’s about twenty minutes from crashing.

He smiles anyway. “You go ahead. I think I’m just gonna go get some sleep.”

Dex looks (if Derek was being totally crazy, if he was looking for something to believe in) a little disappointed.

Dex nods his head, “How’s the knee?”

“How did you—”

Dex gives him an annoyed look and just says, “I’m your d-man.”

And Derek doesn’t really know what to say to that. Because it’s true. They are d-men, and maybe that’s all this is. Maybe he’s been confusing all this (his feelings, the affectionate way Dex has been looking at Derek lately) with just a really strong d-man bond.

“Come on,” Dex says, putting a hand on Derek’s back (but why is Dex being so goddamned nice if not for—). “Let’s get your leg up and you into bed.”

And it’s not fair, because most of the time it feels like something really, really different from a d-men bond.

 

* * *

 

Will shuts the door softly, exiting the hotel room with an ice bucket in his hand. As soon as they got to their room, Nursey pulled on shorts and a tshirt and laid down on the bed. They were quiet for a bit, Dex not really sure what to do, then Nursey asked him to get ice for his knee.

So that is what he is doing.

Getting ice for Nursey’s knee. His d-man. Also, the boy he is trying to woo.

And everything is fine. Except the book didn’t really talk about what to do when the person you like is also one of your best friends and you often have to share hotel rooms with said person. In fact, the book was pretty heteronormative, and he should probably be reading a completely different book entirely.

But here he is. Getting ice for Derek Malik Nurse, and honestly this is not romantic at all. Maybe when he got back, he —

“Hey, Dex!”

Will jumps. “Jesus, Chow.”

Chowder ignores him in favor of syncing up with his steps and saying, “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

He seems mildly worried (which is weird— Chowder just had a shutout he should be anything but worried), so Will pauses at the ice machine.

“What’s up?”

“Well, you know Caitlin Farmer?”

Will snorts. “The girl that you should have been dating two years ago, but for some reason have remained just friends? Yeah, I think I know her.”

They went to winter screw together freshman year, but nothing ever came of it. It is something of a continual shock to the whole team, the way they’re always hanging around each other.

“Well, Bitty lent me this book...and, like, we’ve been dating for a month or so…”

“Holy shit, bro. Bitty lent me that same book.” And, really, it says a lot about where Will’s head is at that that is the first thing he says.

There is momentary confusion on Chowder’s face.“He did. Wh—” It is replaced with a quick, knowing smile.

“No way.”

“What?” Will asks quickly.

“You and Derek?” Chowder’s face is part disbelief, part awe.

“No what.” He drops the ice bucket. “It’s not like tha—” He hits his head on the way back up. “Ouch.”

When he looks back at Chowder, rubbing the top of his head, he knows his face is beating red.

“We were talking about you and Farmer.”

“Right,” The reminder snaps Chowder out of it, and he tucks his smile away. “Well, anyway, we’ve been going out for a month or so, and I invited her to the kegster…”

“So…”

Chowder gives him a significant look.

“We might...you know, get intimate.”

Which, yeah, Will should have known that was what Chowder was getting at, but the first thing out of his mouth is, “Please don’t refer to sex as ‘getting intimate.’”

Chowder hits his chest, “Focus!”

He laughs, “That’s great, Chris. I’m really happy for you and Caitlin, what’s the problem?”

Chowder’s eyes shift around the room which really isn’t very big at all. They land on the vending machine.

“There’s a reason I’ve been so hesitant about us getting together. I sleep walk.”

Will rolls his eyes. “Yeah, bro. I know.”

Chowder is notorious for his sleepwalking in the Haus. It is perhaps one of the unspoken reasons why he got dibs so early on in his college career. No one really wanted to see him living in a dorm much longer.

“Yeah, but you know it is only worse when I’ve been drinking and I just didn’t want her thinking I was weird,” Chowder is pacing around the little alcove. “You know?”

“Chris, Caitlin adores you.”

Chowder blushes, “Dex, I need you to help me tomorrow at the kegster. If Cait spends the night, I just need you to look out for me. If I start sleepwalking and you see me, please take me back to my room.”

Now normally if Chowder requested something so random at 11:27 at night, Will would probably chirp him for it. In fact if Nursey was around, they definitely would. But Nursey is back in their shared hotel room, probably already asleep, and Chowder is pacing the room, hands clasped behind his back with a look of such poignant earnestness washed across his face, that all Will can manage is a sympathetic smile and an “of course, bro.”

Chowder sighs, “Thank you.”

A pause in which both boys look at one another.

Chowder says, “So Derek?”

“I don’t want to talk about Nursey,” Will turns away and begins diligently filling the ice bucket.

“Oh come on. Everyone knows you like him. It’s not, like, a surprise.” And now Chowder sounds just too eager for Will’s liking.

“Yeah, well, not everyone.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” Will starts walking back to his room, and Chowder follows. “I don’t think Nursey knows.”

Chowder scoffs, like actually scoffs, much to Will’s surprise, “Oh, please.”

Will finally voices what he had been circling around right before Chowder found him. “I mean it. I think he just thinks I’m being nicer because, I don’t know, we’re teammates or something.”

They stop outside of Will and Nursey’s hotel door. Room 493.

“Why would he think that?” Chowder asks.

Will’s answer is hushed (he isn’t sure how thick these hotel walls are, but he doesn’t want to risk Nursey overhearing them), “Because that’s what I told him.”

“Why would you tell him that?” Chowder asks, incredulous. And loud.

“Chowder,” Will leans in closer. “Be quiet.”

He gives a significant look toward the door, and Chowder seems to catch on.

“Oh, sorry!” It’s a whisper shout. “But why would you tell him that?”

Will runs a hand through his hair, “I just made it seem like...I don’t know like it was a d-man thing.”

Chowder rolls his eyes, “Well that was dumb.”

“Thanks, Chris.”

Chowder shakes his head, “I just mean that is so untrue. You guys would be great together, and I know Nursey likes you.”

This is news to Will.

“You know?”

“Well,” Chowder hesitates, “he’s never officially said anything, but I know he does.”

He tries not to show his disappointment. “Well, that doesn’t really solve my current predicament.”

Chowder seems to consider this for a moment, “Right, well, the book would probably suggest you tell him how you feel, but I wouldn’t advise that.”

Will can’t help but agree. The thought of telling Nursey how he feels, no matter how many hints he’s been dropping lately, still terrifies him a bit. Will, like most people, hates being rejected, but being rejected by someone like Nursey — someone Will actually cares about, someone who is kind to him without ever simply appeasing him, and, admittedly shallow, someone who looks like the kind of man you wake up dreaming about — would be close to crushing.

“Why don’t you ask him to go do something? Get coffee or watch a movie together. Something casual, so then the puck is on his side of the ice.”

“Maybe…” Will feels a little shaky just thinking about it.

Chowder puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but he tenses anyway. “You have to try. I really think you and Derek would be good for each other, and I know he likes you too.”

“How do you know?” Will asks, though he’s not really sure he wants to know the answer.

Chowder shrugs then smirks, “You’re not the only one who’s obvious.”

Will pushes Chowder away, but without any real heat, “Go away. This ice is going to melt.”

Chowder smiles and walks away, saying, “Just think about it, Dex.”

Will swipes his key card and opens the door an inch. He calls to Chowder, “Hey, Chris!”

Chowder turns around, still smiling. “Yeah?”

“Just, thank you.”

“It’s what teammates do,” And then he winks and Will laughs.

Back in their room, Nursey is laying on the bed near the window. He is wearing a Falconers t-shirt and nike shorts. His hair is curly, unkempt for the moment and his 5 o’clock shadow is present like always.

He looks towards Will and smiles sweetly, “Hey, what took so long?”

Will feels like he’s been caught doing something indecent, and a blush spreads over his face.

“Chowder,” he coughs. “Chowder stopped me in the hallway. Here, let’s get this ice on your knee.”

He busies himself with that job while Nursey says, “Oh okay. I thought we could maybe watch something on netflix. We’re almost on season five of Friends, but I don’t think Holster would mind if we watched without him.”

He places the bag of ice on Nursey’s knee.

“Okay, sounds good. You get started, I’ll be just a couple minutes.”

He goes into the bathroom. He brushes his teeth and washes his face. Takes a deep breath. He walks back into the room and sits down on the other side of Nursey’s bed. Nursey shuffles a bit, so that their shoulders are touching.

There is only one light on in the whole room, and it is on the other side, leaving everything dim or dark and Will’s heart is going wild. On Nursey’s laptop screen, Chandler and Monica are kissing.

He says, “Oh, I love these episodes the most. Those two are my favorite couple on the show.”

Nursey hums, “Me too. I like that they were friends first.”

A pause. Something on the screen is funny. The audience laughs. Everything else is quiet, and maybe that’s why his voice feels like an earthquake when he says, “Would you like to go to Annie’s sometime? With me.”

Nursey looks over at him, eyes bright, but everything else about him is so cool Will almost thinks he is going to say no, but then, “Yeah, that sounds chill. How about the day after the Kegster?”

Will smiles (small, thin, no longer wanting), “Yeah, okay.”

And, Will thinks, he must know now.

 

* * *

 

(Later after Dex has rolled on to his side, closed his eyes, and Friends has been turned off, Derek pulls out his phone.

He texts Sarah, who was always a good friend before they tried that whole ‘dating’ thing: Do you think going to Annie’s with someone constitutes a date?

Sarah’s response takes a few minutes, but then: Depends ;) Do you want it to be?

Derek thinks yes, yes of course I want it to be.

Then another text from Sarah comes through: Congrats on your win tonight...I was thinking about stopping by the Kegster?

Derek responds: Yeah, Rans and Holster are putting in a lot of work to make it a good one.

He stands up and walks over to the outlet. He plugs in his phone, stretches his arms above his head. His knee is still a little sore, but the ice helped. Dex is laid out on the bed, half under the covers.

Derek crawls back into the same bed. They are not touching, but he is still aware of the way Dex’s lungs move, the way his heart beats somewhere inside him. They are not touching, but they can still feel each other.

In the morning, the other bed still remains perfect, untouchable.)

 

* * *

 

The kegster goes like this: It is loud, and Will and Nursey are both flirting with each other. There is mutual flirting going on, Will is sure. And there is touching, a lot of wanted, though unprecedented touching. Will is kind of freaking out.

They dance. Close. Will’s hands go places but never anywhere too intimate — he safely touches Nursey’s shoulders, tentatively his back, but never can he bring himself to be brave enough to caress his cheek, press his lips against the scruff of his chin.

Nursey is not having that same problem. He is ambitious in his contact and happy drunk.

“Dex,” Nursey says, whispers, yells — it is one of the three, kegsters allow for a strange limbo of public privacy that Will and Nursey are using to their advantage. “Do you always dance this stiffly?”

Will blushes, “I am not stiff.”

Nursey smirks, “Are you sure?”

“Shut up,” Will pushes at his chest, but Nursey catches it there and holds it.

“C’mon, what’s up with you?” This too might be a shout into the noisy living room, but if that is the case Will has never heard a more gentle shout.

Will looks around and says, “It’s just a lot, you know. There’s a whole lot of people around us, and it feels like everyone is watching or something.”

Will tugs his hand away just a little, then realizes what he is doing and stops. He takes a breath which is unsurprisingly hard to do with Nursey looking at him like that (like he’s really listening).

“I don’t want to do something stupid or like wrong, you know?”

For a second, Will thinks Nursey doesn’t know what he means or maybe he’s somehow managed to offend Nursey, but then he takes his other hand and pulls him out of the living room and into the kitchen. He lets go of Will to open the fridge and pull out two water bottles. He tosses one to Will then hops onto the counter next to the sink.

“It’s okay,” Nursey says into the much more quiet space.

Will catches his eyes and even that feels like an electric kiss in this hot room. He has to assume Nursey is referring to what he just confessed.

Will takes a few sips of his water, wonders desperately why the book didn’t have a chapter on this specific hang up, physicality (And really it’s stupid. He’s never had a problem with checking like Bitty, and he’s always been fine with post scoring hugs — it’s just this, when it means something, that is so damn hard).

“So is it like an everyone thing? Or just a me thing?”

“No,” Will starts forward, then stops himself. “I think it’s an everyone thing.”

Nursey looks no less disheartened and rubs the back of his neck.“Because I would understand if you just didn’t want or couldn’t with me because of everything we’ve been through.”

“Derek,” he had to know. “It is most definitely not just a you thing.”

Nursey smiles down at the floor. It feels like a private smile, so Will looks away. “Okay, then can I try something?”

He puts the cap on his water (secretly he thinks he should have drank more liquor — it’s called liquid courage for a reason), and says, “Sure.”

“Come here,” Nursey coaxes. Will must hesitate because Nursey adds, “Only if you want to.”

Will wants to. Yes, of course, that might be all he wants. So he goes.

He stands between Nursey’s legs as Nursey leans back against the cabinets. Outside the window there are still people around the bonfire, the golds and yellows flicker through the glass.

Nursey takes Will’s hands and puts them on his hips. It is a warm solid place to start, and Will knows what Nurse is doing. Nursey takes his own hands and puts them in Will’s hair.

“You have surprisingly soft hair,” he works his fingers through it; Will closes his eyes.

“Surprising?”

“You know because you kind of have this lumberjack persona going on, but I don’t typically think of lumberjacks as avid conditioner users.”

Will laughs, opens his eyes. “It feels good.”

Nursey smiles, glances down, “You can move your hands if you want.”

And Will is just about to pull away (because he can take a hint, okay), but then Nursey laughs and says, “No, you idiot. Like, you can put them somewhere else.”

“Okay,” And he does, moves them slowly up and down the outside of his thighs (they are strong, an athlete’s build, he feels like he can’t get enough, won’t ever get enough of just this — this simple thing, still he paces himself). Something in him feels like it is twisting.

Nursey pulls him closer, the closest they have ever been (and he thinks yes this is it then he’d know, really know for sure).

“Hey, Nursey!” Chowder pops his head in the door. “Did you know Sarah is here?”

Will jerks away, plops himself into the nearest chair. He knows his face must be turning bright red and his hands might be shaking. It is this that prevents him from immediately reacting to Chowder’s statement. When it does register, he looks at Nursey, “Sarah?”

His face is a chill that Will can’t read. He addresses Chowder who seems to be catching on to what he just walked in on, “Yeah, she said she might stop by.”

He looks at Will, “I should go say hi. I’ll come back?”

“Yeah,” he feels breathless. “Okay.”

Nursey leaves, and Chowder leans more heavily into the kitchen. “I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys.”

But Will’s head is too busy thinking, thinking, thinking that he can’t be bothered to feel angry with Chowder. “It’s okay. He’ll come back soon.”

“He’s crazy about you,” Chowder say like it’s obvious.

It is so not obvious, Will thinks, not really, and he is about to explain just how crazy Chowder is for thinking something like that, but Farmer floats in, leaning her head on Chris’ shoulder and wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I’m getting kind of tired, babe.”

“Okay,” Chowder looks significantly between Farmer and Will. “Do you want to head upstairs?”

She smiles, “Sure.”

They wish Will a good night and start to walk towards the stairs. Chowder pokes his head back into the kitchen, “Will, remember what we talked about? You’re still good if—”

Will cuts him off, “Don’t worry about it, bro. I’ve got you.”

Chowder smiles, brilliant. “Swasome.”

 

* * *

 

(Later, Will can’t seem to find Nursey again, but he does run into Sarah hanging out near the stairs. He is a little surprised; he thought she would have left by now.

As a courtesy, he says hello.

“Hi!” She smiles. “How are are you?”

“Good. You?”

She nods her head. “Good.”

There is a particularly god awful silence in which Will starts to get annoyed that Sarah hasn’t left yet.

“Well,” he says. “It was good to see you.”

He turns to walk away, but before he can he catches her say. “Oh you’ll probably be seeing a lot more of me soon.”

He looks back at her. “What do you mean?”

She smiles like a secret. “Derek and I are going to get back together soon.”

And, okay, what the hell.

“I’m sorry? What?”

“Last night Nursey asked me to go to Annie’s with him.”

“He did?” Last night Will was asking Nursey to Annie’s. Surely, this was not happening.

“Well,” Sarah shrugs. “You know Nursey he didn’t explicitly ask, but I know that was what he was getting at.”

Right, and Will feels like a fool, a fool that should have known to get Derek to be explicit, before he got his hopes up.

He tries to hide his hurt, “That’s great that you guys worked out whatever...you needed to work out.”

“Yeah,” Sarah smiles. “I mean no relationship is perfect, but I want us to work and I think he does too.”

And that coming from her with that smile —

It feels like a fucking knife.)

 

* * *

 

The party is starting to settle down when Derek finally gets away from the group that pulled him into their celebrating. He meant to go back to Dex right after saying hi to Sarah, but one thing led to another, and it wasn’t for another hour before he was able to break away.

Bitty walks by him, giving him a significant look. “I think Dex was looking for you.”

“Good,” Derek says, “I’m looking for him too.”

Someone sneaks up behind him, wrapping their hands around his waist. “Who are you looking for?”

It’s Sarah. Again.

He turns around to face her, casually detaching himself as he goes. “I’m looking for Dex.”

“Oh,” Sarah smiles. “I saw him a little bit ago by the stairs, but I think he went upstairs.”

Derek smiles, courteous, “Thanks, Sarah. See you in class?”

He starts to move past her when she rolls her eyes and says, “Or maybe we could go to Annie’s tomorrow or something like you talked to me about yesterday.”

“Yesterday?” he didn’t, “Fuck. Sarah, I’m sorry.”

She frowns.

“That text wasn’t asking you to start something again. It was actually about the...the boy that poem was about.”

Sarah looks nothing short of totally embarrassed. She puts her hands to her temples. “Oh my god. I’m such a fucking idiot. I feel so dumb right now. I should have known, it’s just I really like you, and I don’t know I was just looking for a sign that maybe you got over him or whatever.”

Derek’s heart jumps dangerously, and he starts to shake his hands out in front of him, “No, I’m so sorry Sarah. You told me to text you if I changed my mind, and I just wasn’t thinking.”

She grimaces, but says kindly, “It’s okay, Derek. Don’t worry about it. You’re sweet for feeling bad, but my ego is just bruised.”

“Let’s talk in class Monday when we’re both sober?” He asks.

She walks past him, squeezes his hand, and heads out the front door. “Sure, Derek.”

He looks after her as she goes. She is pretty and perhaps impossibly nice, but she’s not Dex — Dex whom he can’t find, Dex who shakes when he tries to touch him, Dex who hated him at first, Dex who is just as exhilarating as he is confusing.

Derek walks up the stairs, hoping to find him in their room, but when he gets to the second floor landing Dex is exiting their room, backpack high up on his shoulder.

“Hey, where are you going?”

Dex catches sight of him and before he can cast his eyes to the ground, there is anger in them. “I’m going to Sean’s.”

Sean, Dex’s older brother who lives two hours away, which like at this time of night is a very weird place for him to be going.

When he walks past him, Derek catches the sleeve of his hoodie. “You’ve been drinking, Will. You shouldn’t be driving two hours on the highway. Is everything okay?”

Without turning back to him, Dex jerks his arm away, “Actually, I’m feeling pretty stupid right now.”

Derek is so shocked and confused by the statement that he doesn’t reacted until Dex is down the stairs and headed towards the front door, but then Derek is barrelling down the stairs, almost tripping on the last one, to catch up with him.

He gets to Dex right as he’s opening the front door.

“Wait,” He puts a hand on his shoulder, but Dex pulls away so quick, like Derek’s touch stings, and puts his back against the open door frame.

But he waits, and that, at least, is good. Or at least he thinks it’s a good thing before Derek realizes it is only so Dex can yell at him more.

“You knew what I was doing.” His voice is echoing, loud, now through the mostly empty Haus. Almost everyone from the party has left, and outside the night is clear with the street lights glowing in the dark.

“Will, what are you talking about? Calm down.”

Dex’s look is slow, his eye roll painfully sarcastic. “Don’t play dumb. You knew what I was doing when I read your books and the dancing and —” he is stumbling with his words, flustered, and usually Derek would find this endearing, but right now he is just confused and hurt. “And Annie’s. God, Derek you knew what I was trying to do!”

And, oh.

“I didn’t know anything officially. You didn’t say anything.”

Dex scoffs. It’s a mean sound. “But you still knew I liked you! And here I am walking around this stupid ass party, Chris telling me I’ve got a chance and I’m so stupid I actually believed him, and who do I run into but your girlfriend. It isn’t fair, Derek, you know this is hard for me.”

Of course, Sarah said she ran into Dex. Okay, Derek can fix this. He can.

“Dex, I’m not with Sarah. I’m never going to be with Sarah ever again. We broke up because of you.”

Dex’s head snaps up from Derek’s chest to look at him. “What are you talking about?”

“The days and weeks bleed incessantly into one another / My mom on the phone asks me to please shake out of it / As if it is that easy / Here is my story, how disjointed and clumsy it must look to you / Yesterday you said I’ve changed then you shook your head / and said maybe it isn’t me but you / How it’s always you and this spinning, / autumn all year round.”

Dex is quiet, looking down at his shoes, cheeks brilliant, wild red. “You wrote that about me?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re not going to date Sarah?”

“No.”

“And you don’t like her?”

“No.”

“But you like me?”

“God, yes.”

Dex looks back up at him, “I’m sorry for yelling at you then.”

Derek shrugs, trying to look chill, but he feels like he might throw up. I can’t believe I just shared that poem with him, jesus christ. “It’s okay.”

Dex takes a shaky breath, moves towards Derek like maybe —

“What are you doing?” Derek asks.

Dex huffs out a breath, “Would you just hold still?”

And so he does. And so they are kissing, quick and eager and nervous all at once. Too soon, Dex is pulling away.

They’re close, on the porch near the door frame, feeling the cool night air on their skin, but Derek’s eyes are locked on Will, Will, Will.

He moves forward again, and Dex asks, “What are you doing?”

Derek laughs, “Would you just hold still?”

And this time when they kiss they are both smiling into it. Both finally having what they want, and both finally knowing these simple truths: Will likes Derek, and Derek likes Will. How easy it is to hold those facts once they are spoken into existence.

 

* * *

 

(Later when they’ve moved themselves to the porch steps, door hanging wide open behind them, they continue to kiss, simple and slow, an easy fit for Will’s still anxious heart. Behind them they hear padding feet and break apart. Down the porch stairs, a completely naked and asleep Chris Chow takes the stairs two at a time, muttering something incoherent.

Derek laughs, “What the hell?”

Will laughs too for a minute, caught up in the way Derek has gone back to rubbing soft circles into his back, before he remembers, “Fuck.”

And bolts up and after Chowder, calling behind him, “I’ll explain later.”)

 

* * *

 

(Much later, when they’ve got Chowder awake, clothed, and sitting on the green couch, Bitty asks, “Do you remember anything from while you were sleepwalking?”

Chowder shrugs. In his hands is a mug of hot chocolate. He says, “Not really. I mean I remember falling asleep and Dex waking me up, but…”

He gasps. His eyes are wide, but his smile is wider as he looks between Derek and Will. “You two kissed!”

“What?” Will sputters, “How could you possibly remember that? You were asleep!”

Bitty sits up straight, “Wait, did you two finally kiss?”

Will sighs. Derek smiles, “Maybe.”

There is a pause while Bitty and Chowder watch the other boys look at one another. Will is the first to reach out and takes Derek’s hand. Already, Will’s touches are becoming more confident. It makes Derek happy, thinking maybe he could be part of the reason why.

Bitty bursts up from his seat and shouts, “I knew it! The book helped! I can’t believe it worked! I never thought you crazy kids would work it out.”

They laugh, and Bitty settles down and takes a breath. “I’m going to bed, but don’t forget to put money in the jar. That hand holding is a seriously fineable offense.”

It is the first of many fines.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed reading this fic! Let me know what you think!
> 
> The Carly Rae Jepson quote at the beginning of this story is from her song 'I Really Like You' which I'm not sure exactly why, but 99% of this fic was written under the influence of her album Emotion. 
> 
> The Hanif Willis-Abdurraqib quote is from a poem in his book "The Crown Ain't Worth Much", and it is called 'The Author Writes the First Draft of his Wedding Vows'. It's actually an erasure of Virginia Woolf's suicide note to her husband which is of course sad, but the poem itself is hopeful. Or at least I like to think it is. I also like to think that Abdurraqib would be one of Nursey's favorite contemporary writers, but that might just be because he's one of my personal favorites. Anyway, check out Hanif's writing it is SO good. 
> 
> Thanks so much again for reading my work!


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